Writing has fallen off my radar after my surgery. I thought I would write more about my experience but somehow I couldn’t find the motivation to write. Maybe it’s still too raw to process and I need time to let the whole 2+ years ordeal to sink in. Maybe it’s the lack of energy that comes with waking up every morning to take my medication while tossing and turning in bed until exhaustion takes over. There are just too many factors and the last thing I want to do is ruminate and let this anxiety grows. When I’m ready to write about what I went through I think I’ll know.
My original plan after my surgery was to apply for the same counselling program in Hong Kong University in December 2020, completing the unfulfilled dream that was interrupted by my cancer diagnosis. However, what is life without constant bumps on the journey? With the recent political unrest in Hong Kong, it seems like a bad idea to go back now, especially with the precarious academic freedom in universities.
Needless to say, I was crushed. After considering other alternatives, I’ve decided to take on the prerequisites to Canadian universities. The first course that I’m taking is “Introduction to Theories of Counselling and Psychotherapy” from Athabasca University. Most of the undergraduate courses take place online and have a 6 months time span to complete. This course starts with an overview of various counselling theories and continue to discuss what constitutes a effective counsellor. We are asked to keep a journal so that we can reflect on the questions in the textbook and the student manual. This journal provides the foundation of a personal reflection paper that is due in the 5th or last month. Instead of writing in a journal, I thought I would explore these questions in depth in my blog because they reflect the themes that I’ve explored in this blog. To be a successful and effective counsellor, one of the most important things to be aware of is how our values can affect a client positively and negatively in a therapeutic relationship. Without an awareness of the influences of our values, we can unconsciously impose our own values on clients. In the textbook, values are defined as “core beliefs that influence how we act, both in our personal and our professional lives” (Corey 22). I always have a vague idea of my values and beliefs, but I never fully investigate what they are, who pass them onto me, how they are influencing my thoughts and actions, and how would that affect my counselling. I was going to just list my values and beliefs in the first post, but inspired by a conversation with a friend this morning, I thought I would look at the relationships between me and my piano teachers and music mentors.
When I was in Hong Kong, my first piano teacher, P, was a lovely lady from China. She had lived in Hong Kong for a while, and I was lucky to have met her. She provided a solid foundation for my playing, especially my love for sight-reading and learning new and obscure repertoire! I remembered during my 3rd or 4th year of lessons with her, the radio was playing the Tchaikovsky first piano concert in b flat minor. I was mesmerized by the dramatic, grandiose opening and the soaring melody in the opening, so I wanted to check out the score. I told the owner of the music school at the time about buying the score and he said I was dreaming because it would take me a long long time until I can sight-read the concerto, let alone play it. My teacher, on the other hand, let me stumble through the opening, littering wrong notes everywhere. I’ve made it to the cadenza in the introduction and I finally gave up because the notes were so difficult to read! Instead of discouraging me like the owner, she didn’t say anything and just let me make my own mistakes. She tried not to extinguish my curiosity by putting artificial limits to what I can and cannot play. Of course she knew I couldn’t play through even the first couple pages, but instead of putting fear in my mind, she silently encouraged me to set my goals high even though I might not be able to reach it. She moved to New York when I moved to Canada, and I managed to meet her once when I visited New York for a short concert. We had a good dinner, and I’ve messaged her a couple more times when I came back to Canada. Unfortunately, the connection didn’t last, but hopefully we’ll get to meet again in the future.
When I came to Canada, I wanted to continue piano studies and look for a piano in Tom Lee. Usually, when someone browses in a piano show room, the sales team usually doesn’t want you to “play” your repertoire extensively. So they might be nice enough to ask me if I need any help to break off my playing, or they might ask me to keep it down. They know that I wouldn’t be able to buy a Steinway. However, one of the sales person, A, took notice of my playing and came over. She complimented my playing and gave me her card. She didn’t have an air of superiority or contempt towards, and her kind actions spoke louder than her words. She and my mom began talking, and one thing led to another, A recommended a piano teacher who’s also a friend of hers. If she hadn’t made that recommendation, I wouldn’t be able to learn with some world class professors in UBC (University of British Columbia). After dealing with other sales people later on, I really missed her genuineness, care, and warmth.
The first time I met L, my first piano teacher in Canada, she was still teaching. Instead of letting us stand outside, she let us in, guided us into the waiting area, and offered us water and some snacks. She lived in this “mansion” (in my mind at the time) in a “rich people area” (that’s what I told my mom at that time), but she was so down to earth I felt instantly comfortable learning with her. She said I wouldn’t have enough time to finish the Canadian piano exams (Royal Conservatory of Music), so I should just keep learning advanced repertoire so I could audition for university in a couple years. Once again, just like P, she challenged me with repertoire filled with demanding technical (Ravel’s Alborado del Gracioso for example) and musical (my first complete Beethoven sonata op.31 no.3) challenges. And just like A, her personality also radiated with care and warmth. She treated everyone of her students equally and she was generous enough to let me borrow a lot (and I mean a whole backpack) of scores and CDs to sight read and listen so I can grow my musical knowledge. It was sad to see her leave, but it was for a joyful reason—she got married and moved to Jersey. We lost touch and I couldn’t find her information or email online, but I think I will try again. I’m always surprised and moved by the kindness of strangers. At the same time, I’m always grateful that I am lucky enough to meet these people who have provided direction and knowledge in my life so that I can become a better musician and human being. The student-teacher relationships that I had in the future were not as smooth as the ones I had when I was young, but they also gave me so many viewpoints on teaching, making music, and life.
Unfinished 